Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Abnormally Attracted to Sin

As I sit here listening to music, debating on whether I want to play a video game or read a book, I think on a few issues with my life. I just read a few chapters of "What Jesus Demands from the World" by John Piper, a book I am reading through with a group of Christian guys whom I respect highly, and I am trying to examine my life a little. Ironically the book was not even what sparked this line of thought: it was a CD. I don't know anything about Tori Amos other than I've heard her name before, but the name of her new CD caught my attention: "Abnormally Attracted to Sin."

I am a dirty sinner. We all are (Romans 3:23) but if we have accepted the gift of salvation by God's grace through Christ Jesus we are justified through His blood (Romans 3:24 and 25). Just as the end of verse 22 says: there is no distinction. All are sinners, and all who receive salvation are justified. I still can't help but feel like the worst of the worst when it comes to sinners. My sin is persistent and terrible, something that has stuck with me since the very beginning and continues on to this day. This is something very personal for me, as any discussion of sin would be personal to the person talking. I feel vulnerable, weak, and pathetic. I am a Christian! I believe in my heart the Christ died for my sins and that I should devote my entire being to His glory and service; but I cannot bring myself to be rid of my sin. This is God's work in me: I have received victories in my walk. God has brought people into my life that sincerely care for me and wish for me to be free of my habitual, terminal sin. I have gone from every day to sometimes going a week without it. Usually I can go a day or two without doing that specific sin (I sin every day of course). There is nothing I can do; I pray God creates a desire in me to repent, and not just feel sorry for doing what I did, but truly repent, turn my back and walk away from my "pet sin."

So am I the king of sinners? In my mind yes. However the reality is, "None is righteous, no not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside, together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one. (Romans 3: 10-12). Nobody is good, no one does good, but the good news is that Christ allows us to do good through our faith. Abnormally attracted to sin? I'm not. Tori Amos isn't. That is just a clever turn of phrase, perhaps poetic, perhaps boastful, I do not know the meaning behind the words. In my case, I feel as though I am abnormally attracted to sin, though I am not any more compelled to sin than anyone else on the planet. After all the only reason I do good in the world is through the Holy Spirit bestowed upon me by God.

As always, I'd love to hear some comments on this.